.Thursday, June 26, 2008 ' 6/26/2008 10:32:00 PM
Y
Your love is all i ever wanted
26th June~ Emotionally DrainedThe unexpected outcome became the expected. Or rather the expected truly became the expected.. Well there are many reasons to why i say this because my mind is totally, completely confused! I won't explain much of what event took place last night as it would only drown me further. A state of Melancholy engrained my body and soul after the various complications which i cannot elaborate much due to some personal issues. All i could do was to wept helplessly deep in my heart, with a fake smile on the outside showing that i'm okay. Couldn't sleep properly for about an hour as it keeps appearing in my mind repeatly. Tears could never end and no matter how many buckets it can fill, it won't make a difference..But somehow i just feel a sense of satisfaction which i have no idea how to describe it. Maybe it could be because i was finally able to get it off my chest and face the music?? Well in a way, i was both happy and depressed at the same time. 70% depressed and 30% happy to be exact. However, only till then i realised that those two words really hurt me for a moment and caused me breakdown for a while. (only wilson knows what are the 2 words) Only then i also come to realise how love can really destroy oneself. And probably i was so tired of not being loved. I mean like how do create much an affection for someone he likes? To love is easy, but being loved is another different story. It is indeed complicating. No doubt about it. =/ Moving on. The next day which is today was like a bad day to everyone in the class even the faci. But i think this bad day had the most impact on me unfortunately. Was in the train towards woodlands listening to emotional songs which dampen my morning. Yes i know.. what a way to start a morning. But i just can't help thinking about it and using music to "remind" me about the happening. Damn! =XWhen i was in the class, there was total silence and had the fear of what's going to happen next. For once i was like speechless and wasn't myself today. Couldn't answer or even understand what the faci is trying to say either. Shafiq even asked me why i so emo.. i was like wah he can even tell that i'm depressed?
During the first break out, wilson called me and told me to join him for breakfast. I was like oh well why not.. I din even had the mood to do the worksheet for obvious reasons. Anyway i really couldn't help it but to share my sorrows with someone.. Hence i told wilson everything. He is the closest friend i can ever have. He responded by telling me that he understand the situation i am in because he had been through it before and rather recently. Gave me a few advices and consoled me when i felt like it was the end of the world.
I seriously felt so much better after sharing. The cheerful side of me began to show as i returned back to my classroom. Things were different then. Me focusing on the worksheet and only the worksheet even though i am trying my best not to think of it. Sometimes like what ching said, can we move on in life?? Well that was what wilson told me to do too. Why not live your life to the fullest by being cheerful and out going? (Although Emo is in my context) Moving on is probably the option which i have to consider.
And now i'm picking up the pieces and putting my
heart back together.
Labels: Emotionally drained
Empty and lost I put a smile on each day. 6/26/2008 10:32:00 PM.
